throughout the night
by Maya822
Summary: Shadow kiss completely my way. Everything from the previous books is the same but this is my version. first vampire academy fan fiction so please read!
1. Chapter 1

I watched her dark figure slide down the wall of the west wing of the novice dorms. Her hair swayed with her movement. The light cascaded over the fine dark strands. Rose Hathaway; my prodigee. I couldn't contain a smile as I watched her slip fast and unnoticed to the Moroi dorms. She was stealthy, but unwatchful of her surroundings, oblivious to my presence or my observation. She gracefully swung her lithe figure onto the tree branch and into the Moroi room I was sure was Princess Dragomir's. I knew as a novice instructor I should have stopped her, alas my heart wasn't in it. She, as any other teenage girl, needed time with her best friend. And after recently witnessing the killing of her best friend Mason Ashford she deserved this secret escape. My head slowly filled with the ghastly images from that day and a scowl tugged at my lips. I often returned to these thoughts on my evening shifts. Rose and her fellow novices Eddie and Mason along with lord Ozera; Vasalisa's boyfriend had been captured by strigoi and were missing for days. Roza witnessed the death of her best friend and killed her first strigoi in the same afternoon. My heart wept for her. I turned on my heel and continued my slow walk along the perimeters of the dorm, blissfully alone I started to hum a soft song from home to pass the time and clear my head of such downtrodden thoughts. Rose was safe for now and stronger because of it.

While looping back I hear a soft footfall, nearly silent. I whip around ready to defend myself. And spot a tiptoeing Roza. She has the decency to look sheepish and gives a small wave. I usher her over with the wave of a finger.

"Kirova would not be happy if she were privy to your whereabouts." Disapproval laced my tone.

She rolled her eyes

"I didn't know you sang comrade, or hummed or did anything that requires joy."

She grinned devilishly while deflecting my accusation. I decided to throw her a bone.

"Believe it or not I do many things you are unaware of."

I let a small smile slip into my face with the challenge

"Sure you do comrade, sure you do." I forced the laugh to die in my throat and again took up the role as mentor.

"You should be in bed, just because we don't have training in the morning doesn't mean you don't need rest Roza."

The nickname slipped from my lips without my authority and an affectionate smile graced her lips.

"Will do even though we both know I don't need beauty sleep."

She closed the sentence with a saucy wink and a man eating smile that just about knocked me to the floor. She took off back to her dorm leaving me grinning to myself like a fool. I was surprised she didn't mention not training tomorrow as she has been against it ever since I suggested her taking a break. Kirova agreed and there's been no training in three weeks and I could see her getting antsy and agitated. I rid my head of distractions reminding myself I still had work to do. I kept my humming to a minimum.

Finally I hit the bed with a resounding thud and as usual my thoughts drifted to Rose. Ah my Roza, more complex than anyone I've known. I had never expected to fall madly in love with her and the prospect was frustrating. I thought back to the first time we met with fondness. She was the most devoted novice I had ever witnessed. She willingly let Vasalisa feed on her and still tried to defend her from three guardians not moments later. I had no doubts that she would be an incredible guardian to Vasalisa or anyone else for that matter. She always faced her adversity with courage and strength and it was indescribable. She was undeniably beautiful too, her dark hair was a constant in many of my dreams. Her plump lips pulled into a beautiful smile and her eyes could persuade anyone into her bidding without need for compulsion. It still struck me as unbelievable that despite her remarkable character and beauty she loved me. Fate meant that we would never be together but she loved me and knowing that was enough and too much all at the same time. She was like the sun beautiful and lively but impossible to touch because of her scorching intensity. Yet I had had the privilege to touch. I tossed and turned as thoughts of Roza plagued my mind only to be dragged into a fitful sleep.

after a long night I was dragging myself to the training room absolutely exhausted. My head pounded behind my eyes due to lack of sleep. I rounded the corner to find Rose already running and a small smile touched my lips. She was learning habits that would make her better in the long run. I sped to join her and pushed my legs. Soon I was beside her running at the smooth rhythm she had paced for herself. With my overtly tall frame and long legs it was harder to keep our distance equal as neither of us were pushing ourselves. It wasn't a leisurely run by far, but we didn't push as hard as we used to before our training break. I knew she was glad I had resumed her training even if it were lighter than usual. We had both just broken a sweat when we got to the gym and I wiped my forehead. We silently moved into stretches and I wish I could say I didn't watch her. Years of training had made her graceful but you could see the power pulsing under her skin. She was a livewire hidden under her grace and beauty. A watched her body move and as she stretched her arms back the swell of her breast expanded. I wish I could say I was unaffected. My mouth dried and I swallowed. I shook my head to rid it of such inappropriate thoughts.

"On the mats." My voice came out sharper than I intended and rang through the space. She didn't seem to notice as she hopped to the mats eagerly. I could practically see her dancing out of her skin with anticipation. She was going to be disappointed.

"We aren't going to spar today."

Her eyes shot to mine with agitation. I ignored her look.

"I'm gonna show you some new defensive moves and well practice them."

I could almost feel the frustration rolling off of her like waves.

"Don't baby me comrade I can handle a little sparring."

I gazed at her disapprovingly and moved past the statement. I pulled her into a headlock. Fast and deadly but I didn't weigh down on her neck I simply held her there. It seemed like a good idea at first but then she was pressed against me warm and inviting. My face was pressed into her shoulder and I made the mistake of inhaling. She didn't smell overly sweet like many girls her age do. She smelled fresh like lemon and a hint of something warm and unknown, it was intoxicating. Her sigh would have been unnoticeable if you weren't wrapped around her back like a snake. I released her abruptly and she stumbled a bit and I immediately reached to steady her finding a bare strip of skin. The shock sent through my arm completely unnerved and settled me at the same time.

"We'll keep you to practice dummies for now." I murmured. My voice betrayed me and came out gruff and breathy. I wasn't prepared for her to whip around and glare at me.

"I'm not made out of glass Dimitri!" Her voice exploded through the small gymnasium and I fought the surprise off of my face.

"Rose you've been through a lot rece-"

"You think I don't know that! I know more than you or Kirovabad what I need and being treated like a five year old isn't it!" She cut me off and I was surprised by the menace in her voice.

"Obviously none of you care about my mental state if you're keeping me on house arrest and forcing me out of training." She was growing in anger and my patience was waning

"Rose." She kept going and despite myself my voice crackled through the space.

"Rose!" She jumped and I felt guilty for frightening her.

"Everyone is trying to help it would be easier if you let them and gain some self control." Something clicked through her expression and her anger brightened rather than simmered.

"You are the master of self control aren't you?" I had a guess what she was referring to but I'd hoped she's avoid the topic. No such luck.

"One minute you're confessing your feelings the next I'm a leper. But I get it I'm an easy lay naïve young girl-."

I would not hear this a second longer and my body moved without asking me. She was bracketed between me and the wall before I could stop myself.

"Do not doubt my feelings for you ever. and do NOT disrespect yourself again by saying such vile things." I could hear the hardness in my voice and fought to rein it in the next time I spoke my voice had less edge.

"This isn't about us rose people are worried about you." At this she started to push against me and her anger surged once again.

"I can take care of myself I certainly don't need one of my hookups to enlighten me."

My lips were on hers in an instant and I was consumed by white hot fire. My hips bracketed her into the wall behind her and my hand slipped into her hair. I tugged. Hard. She gasped and I took advantage Of her open mouth and slipped my tongue into her mouth exploring. I could feel her nipples grazing my chest and I started to grow hard. I tugged her head to the side and assaulted her neck with my tongue and teeth. I nipped at a sensitive spot and a whimper escaped her throat. The sound went to my very core and I was determined to hear it again. I had left a mark where I had been a tad bit overzealous. I do others the spot with my tongue. Punctuating with a soft suck. Her sighs in my ear only made me harder. I didn't notice her hand had moved until she palmed me through my workout pants. I tried to hold back my groan of approval and it turned into a harsh growl. The pleasure was a shock through my system and I pushed myself back hard and fast and spun on my heels leaving the room as fast as possible. I took one look back and it was a huge mistake. She sti stood against the wall heaving. Fuck.

What in the world had I been thinking. Rose was a minor a child. She had always pushed on my control. I sped back to my room unnoticed. A sour mood had overtaken me and I was disgusted with myself. How dare I take advantage like that she's in a vulnerable state. It made me no better than a pervert. _But she liked it_. A small voice said I willed it to be silent. _She even touched you._ My whole body tensed at the memory of her hand on my cock. Warm a firm. I rushed to the shower and turned the water to frigid. I stepped inside hoping to calm my overactive body and fight all thoughts of Roza. I stepped out of the shower nearly 30 minutes later still half as frustrated. My body had calmed but my thoughts had not. I had to shovel through the reasons for loathing myself. I plopped into bed trying to rid myself of the day's events but it was no use. Her smell still ran through my mind and the noise she made. I would walk on my knees through glass to hear that sound over and over. The way he hand had encased me. My cock twitched to life at the thought. _If her hand felt that good what would her mouth feel like._ The thought was like an electric shock through my body and I was hard in an instant. _Warm wet._ I was achingly hard but refused to touch myself to such thoughts. They kept coming unbidden. _What would being inside her be like._ My heart full on stopped at the thought. I had to touch, the discomfort was too great. _She was so wet before she probably tastes just as sweet._ I fisted my cock and a sigh escaped my lips. I imagined how my name slipping off her lips would sound murmured against my shoulder. Screamed against my chest. My hips bucked into my curled fist at the thought. I wanted to hear her scream my name. An image of her coming apart was all it took and I came hard and fast gasping into the empty room. The name came unbidden through my clenched teeth.

"Roza"


	2. Chapter 2

To say say I was in a bad mood would be the ultimate understatement. My mood had significantly plummeted since my "intimate thoughts" of Roza and I couldn't help but feel disgusted with myself. Not only did I take advantage of her I pleasured myself to the thought of it. I made my way fast to the lunch room trying to get there before rose and her friends. I've decided the best course of action is to distance myself and remain cold. Avoiding her if necessary. Avoiding my Roza felt wrong but it was the only solution that made sense to me. I grabbed an apple. My appetite waning harshly at the thought of my actions. What if Roza knew what I'd done. The thought only soured my mood further I gathered my stuff and got out of the room before she showed.

I walked past the courtyard not bothering to replace the menacing look on my face. My eyes shifted the left and my mood somehow plummeted further. There rose was wrapped tightly in the arms of Adrian Ivashkov, my whole body tensed. I loathed ivashkov simply because he's Moroi and Royal he's an arrogant prick worst of all he hung all over rose like a leach. Right now she was seeming to like it. My heart ached in the familiar form I knew well jealousy. I remember way back before I knew what I was feeling how jealous I was towards Mason, before he died and before I understood she felt nothing for him. My heart pounded in my chest as she nuzzled into his shoulder. He could give her what she wanted she could be rich with him have children. I watched as he gently grazed the hair from her shoulder. He could also openly be with her. Sadness took over the rage I felt and I let my feet take me away.

My fist pummeled the mats with such force it swung violently. My knuckles were numb by now and probably split to all hell but I didn't care. My vision was completely tunneled and I didn't hear the gym door open. Rose came in looking about ready to kill someone. My plan of avoiding her was coming to a head. Should I stay or should I go. I took a quick assessment of her and decided immediately on the former, she was radiating negative energy in almost a frightening way. She had set up a dummy and was now slamming her fist into it with more force than me. I stopped and walked slowly over to her.

"Rose."

She kept punching almost gaining ferocity. She was starting to scare me now she seemed completely blacked out.

"Rose." I put more force behind voice and she still was unfazed.

"Roza!" My voice made even me flinch and I saw the slightest shift in her demeanor but she kept punching. Before I knew it I had grasped her shoulder and spun her fast. She gasped and pushed me off.

"Don't touch me!"

My eyes widened I've never seen her so menacing and volatile she looked completely mad. I took a step back when I noticed her eyes. Her pupils had completely overtaken her beautiful brown eyes they looked black.

"Roza what's wrong?"

My voice was gentle and pleading.

"Don't you fucking dare! You don't get to kiss me and then treat me the way you treated me, you asshole-."

"Rose, calm down!" She kept going getting more and more upset by the second. She was starting to act insane and it was scaring to me more than anything else.

"I hate you Dimitri! You're nothing to me!"

My heart broke from her words and from the fear I felt watching her. She was a women possessed. I took two large strides forward and gathered her in my arms. She struggled against me and her force surprised me. She struggles hard for more than a minute screaming the whole time. Suddenly her screams faded into harsh sobs. My fear was bracketing, this wasn't normal behavior this was a mental break down. I held her tighter as she sobbed and screamed into my chest. My Roza she was suffering and I didn't even know it. I held her harder fighting back my own tears.

"Shh Roza it will be okay." my head was swimming what did I do in this situation. How could I not have seen her breaking. Her sobs slow and I release her from my grasp but as soon as she out of my arms she's out the door. I make it to the door in record time but not fast enough. She's already long gone, probably to her dorm. I sit and lay my head in my hands. What kind of mentor was I that I didn't even see my student suffering from PTSD. I added it to the list of things I could loathe myself for and took off to find Rose.


	3. Chapter 3

I paced the infirmary hall for probably the 100th time in the last 45 minutes. I had found Rose but in an even worse condition than before. My brain was still reeling from the way I found her.

 _Earlier today_

I raced to the place I knew I'd find Rose, Mason's grave. I wasn't prepared for how I would find her. It struck me just how small Rose was she always just seemed so much larger than life, but now so broken she looked almost childlike. She was curled on the ground next to Masons memorial sobbing, I fell to the ground next to her and pulled her into my arms. I cradled her tightly. She shifted and her arm came into view and I gasped out loud. She had scratched her arm till it was raw and bleeding and there was long parallel scars along the underside. I realized that her blood was soaking into my t-shirt and tears pooled in my eyes. Dear god how much pain must one be in to hurt themselves. I stood and carried her sobbing form to the infirmary as fast as I could without jostling her. When I finally made it my panic had reached new heights.

"I need a doctor!"

I was aware of how thick my accent sounded and how loud my voice was in the quiet space but I didn't find it in me to care. Nurses were quickly around me and trying to take her from my arms.

"NO NO NO!" Roses screams echoed through the halls and pierced my heart. She trashed and clawed at the nurses while still trying to hold onto my shirt. She was still bleeding and worrying me more and more.  
"Just tell me where you would take her and _I_ will take her there!" I yelled to be heard over the commotion.

"Sir let us take her." I practically growled at the orderly and that seemed to be enough. I followed them down the hall to one of the more secluded rooms in the back and tried to lay Rose on the bed.  
"Please don't leave me please!' She was screaming and panic swept through me again. This was not normal by any means.

"Roza I'm not leaving but I have to put you down ok?" My voice was soft and sweet. She clung to me sobbing hard. I released her on the bed and immediately her screaming started again.  
"It's my fault it's my fault Please don't leave me!" I wanted to cry seeing my Roza so broken. Then the scratching started again. Her nails pierced her skin and my yell ripped through my throat fierce and fast.

"Roza! Help!" the orderly who was giving me space before raced forward, a needle in hand.

"What is that?" I asked the franticness in my voice obvious to even my ears.

"It's a tranquilizer she needs to stop hurting herself." I didn't like it but it was necessary. The nurse crowded in and plunged the needle into her arm. Her howling didn't stop immediately but it was starting to fade and her arms struggling against us started to slow. Her eyelids fluttered closed and her hands fell limp by her side. I sighed a breath of relief.

So here I was pacing in front of her watching her sleep. I didn't know if I even wanted her to wake up. I couldn't see her hurt herself again it would kill me. I ran through all of the possible things that Rose could have meant by it's my fault. I finally settled on Mason. I knew she had felt guilty about Mason's death but I couldn't rap my head around what could have possibly started this psychotic break; or what could have possessed her to hurt herself. My memory briefly flashed back to Vasalisa, she had hurt herself before too, she had used razors to cut into her skin much like Rose with her nails. Perhaps this was symptom of the darkness? My brain was swimming with too many unanswered questions. Alberta was on her way to figure out what the fuck was going on but now I needed to calm down. I sat down with my Roza. They had bandaged her wrist but you could find small spots of her blood seeping through in some spots. The sight was sobering and my heart fell for the thousandth time today. She was sweating heavily and her brow was furrowed as if deep in thought, I began to run my fingers through her soft fine hair and I felt her body relax. I watched her chest rise and fall with her breathing.

"moya sladkaya Roza ya nikogda ne ostavlyu tebya." I whispered in her ear.

" _My sweet Roza I'll never leave you."_

Alberta appeared in the door way not much later with a frenzied look in her eyes that I could relate too. I sometimes forgot that Rose was like a daughter to Alberta as the older women usually substituted for the mother Rose never had.

"Dimitri what the hell happened!" I shushed her even though it was unnecessary Rose was tranquilized and wouldn't be waking up anytime soon. I released myself from Rozas grip, not without a skeptical look from Alberta.

"She's had a mental breakdown, I found her by Masons grave screaming and clawing herself until she bled- at this Alberta took notice of her bandaged arms-

I took her here and she refused to let go of me, as soon as I put her down she began hurting herself again so it was necessary for them to tranquilize her." Alberta eyes close at the onslaught of information and emotion and she drops into the chair by the door.

"Do you have any idea what could have caused this any new development?" She asks exhaustion clear in her voice. By now we were well into the Moroi night and if it weren't for the fear and adrenaline pumping through my veins I would be exhausted too.

"I don't think anything new it could just be the late affects of Masons death, or-" I stop myself abruptly not wanting to say where my thoughts were going.

"Or what Dimitri?" Alberta asks her voice sharp.

"when Vasalisa was affected by the 'Darkness' that accompanies spirit she also hurt herself in a similar manner although it seemed much more methodical then this, I don't think... I don't think she wanted to hurt herself." The words get caught in my throat by the end, What did I know? This could not even be the first time Rose has hurt herself it could've been happening for weeks without my noticing. Again self loathing plagued my mind. What kind of mentor was I? What kind of friend was I? To let Rose suffer. I did't know if you could categorize what me and rose had as friendship. We certainly wanted more and that was unusual. At least i thought so; I had nothing to compare it to, no other  
"friends".

"Dimitri." Alberta's voice drew me from my revere.

"You should go to bed get rest, you have a shift tomorrow." I felt my refusal rise in my throat before she finished her sentence.

"She needs me to be here when she wakes up." Alberta regarded me sharply, her eyes narrowing.

"yes I suppose she does." She finally said with a heavy sigh. With that she stood pushed some of Roses hair back in an uncommonly motherly gesture and stalked off. I wanted to settle on the bed next to Roza just to soothe her and give her comfort but it would be far too suspicious, so I settled for leaning back on the chair by her bed. I began stroking my fingers through her hair again and humming a soft song my mother sang me as a child. I watched the fluorescent light flicker ominously and soon let it lull me into a fitful shallow sleep.

 **Hey guys! I am loving this story. Sorry it took me so long to update but school has started again and I have a TON of work. I love all of your reviews! please keep reviewing and reading-Maya**


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